Who Am I

With the “Who Am I” in mind, the first thing I had to think about is that most people will probably use labels for themselves or each other to describe themselves. Like “man” or “mother” or “business owner”, “age” maybe also? Do you have that too? What comes immediately in your mind? And do you think that that really serves who you are? Do these labels tell ourselves and others who we are?

But let me give you my labels: female, mother, daughter, single parent, sister, Dutch born Chinese, lawyer, business owner, hardworking, caring for environment and animals, straight forward … To be honest, I don’t think that this is covering at all who I am. These labels are not so meaningful to me. On the contrary, I think that these labels are even limiting your idea about me and maybe even my idea about myself.

We all have these identities given to us by our families, our culture, society, classmates, colleagues, kids, team mates, friends and even strangers but which are our own? Labels, assumptions, expectations based on gender, age, race, family position, education, career, relation status, location and more. Where does it stop? I do not identify necessarily with these labels so this also doesn’t tell completely who I am and maybe more important, these labels may also limit the view I have of myself and therefore limiting my possibilities. 

So the second following thought I had on the subject of who I am is … who am I actually? If I do some soul searching, I have to confess that I am still looking for who I am and the older I get, the more answer I find.

If I look at the earlier mentioned labels, I feel as a matter of fact, that I am unifying opposites: I am nothing but I am everything, strong and weak, Asian and Western, young and old, healthy and unhealthy, holding on the routines but also a nomad, educated but still clueless. I am not a typical Chinese woman or a typical lawyer. In reality I am atypical.

An example where these contradictions came together was when I was a just starting lawyer working for a big law firm in the Netherlands, where I was expected to charge 4-5 hours a day to clients for which my firm would invoice the rate of a EUR 220 per hour. However, back home to Hoek van Holland, which in Dutch literally means the corner of the Netherlands, I have always helped my mother in her Chinese restaurant since I was 12 years old. This continued when I became a lawyer so from Monday to Friday I was a lawyer but in the weekend I was back being a waitress serving food and cleaning tables where guests would sometimes compliment me how good my Dutch was. Lawyer or waitress: both honorable work of course. But do you get my point that the label “Dutch attorney at law in a top 3 Benelux law firm” or “waitress in Chinese restaurant” just did not cover it at all?

It did not stop there because I kept on going with changing my identity and gathering new labels so the conclusion is that transformation is possible and that you should think beyond a certain identity, specific labels or a fixed category.

That leads to the third thought, if I am continuously evolving and growing, who am I today? And then I just knew the answer: I am my life lessons, my wisdom of life.

I can share one life lesson I have learned recently and that is that it is important to experience life in as many identities as possible. Everyone can do that. Put yourself in different situations and assess how you react to certain people, circumstances, social fields, countries and cultures so you can find out more about who you really are.

You need to know who you are so you can serve, to know better how to help others. As Martin Luther King said: “Not everyone can be famous but everyone can be great because greatness is determined by service. Purpose is to be at service to others.” And one of my podcast guest Lee du Ploy, an almost 80 year old therapist and artist said: “Find out what it is what you have that can help you help others.”

For me that is connection. Connection with others or making connections between others. So let me work on my communication and become excellent so I can connect and spread the message from others and my own message and all help is wellcome.

To conclude:

-          I am not my labels.

-          I had many lives

-          I am my life lessons

-          One life lesson is that I am here to connect so I need to get better with your help

-          Will you help me?